25 Qualities of a Good Mother

Let’s start by saying there is no one way to be a good mother. That would be so boring. However, there are certain things we can do to make our children feel loved and cared for.

As always, I don’t want to just give you an alphabetized list of best qualities. I want to give you actual examples, too. Each characteristic of a good mama is accompanied by two ways of how to actually embody the trait.

Let’s get to it!

1. Accepting

We need to accept our kids for who they innately are. The truth is, our babies are born with their own unique set of abilities, desires, preferences, and strengths. The best mamas are able to meet their kids’ needs by accepting them inside and out.

How to be Accepting

Here are some ways to show acceptance:

✔️ Give them autonomy

Recognize your child’s need for independence. Our kids have no problem letting us know they want autonomy. Generally, it’s harder on the parent to give them that freedom. Do it anyway. 😉

✔️ Let your child be expressive

Children express themselves in all sorts of ways: body language, behavior, play, attire, etc. We can encourage self-expression by allowing them to cross gender norms or by simply inspiring uniqueness.

2. Adaptable 

Life as a mama is ever-changing. Being adaptable to new situations is a must for surviving (and thriving in) motherhood.

How to be Adaptable

Here are some ways to show adaptability:

✔️ Go with the flow

Some days we are all geared up and ready for our big day out… and then everyone loses their minds. It’s okay to change plans. Don’t force it.

✔️ Ditch perfectionism

As mamas, we put way too much pressure on ourselves. Everything won’t be perfect. “Good enough” is good enough.

3. Attentive

We live in a world full of distractions; a place where “busy’ is a badge of honor. The best mamas are able to keep those interruptions to a minimum. Pausing to give kids our undivided attention is a great way to build healthy, secure attachment.

How to be Attentive

Here are some ways to show attentiveness:

✔️ Put the phone away

Put your phone in a drawer. Where it won’t be within arms reach. Phones are the number one distraction in our lives. Do what you can to lessen the distraction.

✔️ Carve out mommy-and-me time

Have a special time in the day where you give your child one-on-one time. This could be in the morning, during lunch, or at bedtime. Whenever it’s conducive for your schedule. But make sure you are completely present where your feet are during this one-on-one time.

4. Authentic

No two mamas are the same, and that’s a beautiful thing. You get to be unapologetically and authentically you. Your kids will love and appreciate that.

How to be Authentic

Here are some ways to show authenticity:

✔️ Turn inward

To truly be yourself, you have to know yourself. What are your strengths? What do you enjoy? What do you detest? Start asking yourself the tough question: “Who am I?”

✔️ Be confident

Be confident in who you are as a mother and as a woman. I can tell you that you’re doing great until I’m blue in the face. But you need to tell yourself that. Believe that you are great.

5. Brave

Being brave can look different for everyone, but the main point is to not fall into the anxious, worried trap of life.

How to be Brave

Here are some ways to be brave:

✔️ Take risks

How can we ever expect our kids to jump into the unknown if we don’t? If you’re someone who is naturally risk-adverse, that’s okay. Take little, baby steps. You. can do. it.

✔️ Follow your heart

There is always going to be some passion on your heart. It can be small or it can be HUGE. Either way, follow your truth and set that example for your kiddos.

6. Communicative

Having good communication skills in your relationship with yourself, your partner, and your kids will benefit everyone in the family. Communicate your needs and your kids will be able to communicate theirs.

How to be Communicative

Here are some ways to show effective communication:

✔️ Actively listen

When talking about communication (pun intended), we immediately think of what we need to say. But the first and best step of communication is being able to actively listen. Making others feels heard and understood is imperative to effective communication.

✔️ Be clear and concise

Kids thrive on clarity. There is no need to over-explain. When it’s your turn to speak, keep is short, simple, and to the point. This is especially true when teaching kids something new and during an argument.

7. Complimentary

Complementing your kiddos will build a strong self-esteem. Do this often and you’ll be setting your child up for success.

How to be Complimentary

Here are some ways to give compliments:

✔️ Use descriptive words

Tell your babies they are smart, kind, generous, a hard worker, or (insert whatever positive affirmation you’d like). And then say how they embody that characteristic. For example, “I saw you work really hard to solve that problem.”

✔️ Compliment their uniqueness

When your child shows unique strengths or independence, verbalize that you see it. For example, “I love the outfit you picked out today. It’s so bold.” *Even if you’re totally cringing at the outfit she picked today*

8. Consistent

Your kid should know what to expect from their mom. Try to keep somewhat of a routine. Kids thrive on structure. You know what they say, “Consistency is king queen.”

How to be Consistent

Here are some ways to be consistent:

✔️ Keep mood swings in check

Look, we all lose our patience once in awhile, and that’s okay. But overall the more even-keeled we can be, the better. If you’re having a bad day, take some time to work it out in your own head before misplacing the anger on to others.

✔️ Set expectations

Just as kids should know what to expect from mama, they should know what is expected of them. Of course, expectations will change as kiddos get bigger. But generally speaking, your kids should know general house rules. (i.e. be respectful, no hitting, mommy gets coffee before being spoken to, etc.).

9. Creative

You don’t have to be the woman that loves art or sensory bins to be creative. Creativity is just that, original ideas that are fun and new.

How to be Creative

Here are some ways to show creativity:

✔️ Find your inner strengths & play to them

Some moms love nothing more than creating art with their kids, and that’s amazing. Some moms look forward to creating new meals and bakery good. (If that’s you, can I come over?) Other moms want to only do outdoor activities. Perfect. Tune in to your own unique strengths and play to them.

✔️ Find inspiration

We have millions of resources at our disposal. Use them. Pinterest, blogs, tutorials, and more can all be great sources of inspiration for creativity.

10. Decisive

Giving a wishy-washy answer is confusing. Be decisive in your responses.

How to be Decisive

Here are some ways to show decisiveness:

✔️ Pick your battles

Not everything needs to be a fight. Choose which battles are worth fighting, and keep it that way.

✔️ Stress less

In the moment ask yourself, “What will help me stress less?” Is it less stressful to argue about putting shoes on or can your kid ride in the car shoe-less? You’re the only one that can decide what will help you stress less.

11. Empathetic

We may not always understand why our toddlers are crying, but we understand the feeling of being sad. Show your kids empathy as much as you can and everyone will end up a winner.

How to be Empathetic

Here are some ways to show empathy:

✔️ Name your emotions

Name your emotions out loud, so your kids can hear you. “Mommy is feeling so happy that you’re eating lunch!” “Mommy is feeling really frustrated by you drawing on the wall.” Naming our emotions out loud gives our kids a chance to better understand their own emotions, too.

✔️ Respond, don’t react

We react in times of fear or anger. Conversely, we respond by taking a quick second to notice our anger, consider the situation, then act accordingly. Responding is much more rational, calm, and is better for everyone involved.

12. Generous

Generally speaking, being a mom is a fairly selfless and generous act. Sharing our bodies for 9+ months (not to mention the time commitment of nursing mothers). That generosity continues to benefit us and our babies. As an added bonus, research has shown time and time again that generosity and happiness are linked. Win-win!

How to be Generous

Here are some ways to show generosity:

✔️ Random Acts of Kindness

A great way to show your children generosity is to include them in Random Acts of Kindness. Compliment strangers. Surprise a neighbor with freshly baked goods. Buy the coffee for the person behind you in the drive-thru. Just randomly show kindness and generosity throughout the day!

✔️ Plan service days

Getting kids involved in volunteering from an early age can work wonders for the heart and soul. Whether you volunteer weekly or quarterly, it will benefit your babies.

13. Grateful

Demonstrating gratitude is not only a great way to live our lives, but it sets a wonderful example of abundance for our children. Harvard Medical School even says, “gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.” Need I say more?

How to be Grateful

Here are some ways to show gratitude:

✔️ Say three things you are grateful for everyday

Say, or even better yet, write down three things you are grateful for everyday. Include your kiddos in this practice. People who practice intentional gratitude tend to see their world through a lens of abundance rather than lack.

✔️ Mind your Ps and Qs

Make sure you are minding your manners, just as you expect yours kids to mind theirs. Say please and thank you often. Because remember most things in parenting are caught, not taught.

14. Intuitive

Being intuitive means listening to our own gut-feeling. Sometimes there is no evidence to support why we are feeling a certain way. But as mamas, we need to be in-tune with our instincts and trust ourselves.

How to be Intuitive

Here are some ways to attune to your intuition:

✔️ Practice mindfulness

Take time to let your mind and body connect. It doesn’t have to be a long practice. In fact, a 2020 study says shorter mindfulness practices had a greater impact on stress. Do a simple grounding activity or try out progressive muscle relaxation to help you feel more connected.

✔️ Advocate, advocate, advocate

If you sense something is wrong, you’re probably right. As a mama, your gut is your greatest guide. Make sure you are advocating for you, your babies, and your entire family whenever you see fit.

15. Loving

Unconditionally love your babies. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

How to be Loving

Here are some ways to be loving:

✔️ Love them at their best

This is the easy one. Love your children when they are acting like sweet, little angels.

✔️ Love them at their worst

This is the hard one. Love your children when they have pushed every button you’ve ever had. Even trickier yet: Make sure they know you love them. Even on the days you want to rip your hair out.

16. Open-Minded

Motherhood has brought on more unexpected things than I could have ever thought possible. We really never know what they day is going to bring. Be open-minded to it all.

How to be Open-Minded

Here are some ways to show open-mindedness:

✔️ Be open to pivoting

We have to be open to pivoting in what we once thought was the “right” way to parent. For example, I remember talking with my husband about screen time. We agreed to not let my daughter watch TV until she was three-years-old… And then she was born. To keep my sanity, I pivoted.

✔️ Expose yourself (and your kids) to newness

It’s easy to be content and safe in our little bubble of the universe. But there are a lot of differences out there. And those differences should be seen and celebrated. Try exposing you and your family to new ideas, cultures, and people – without judgment.

17. Patient

Ahh patience. Sometime this trait seems to be entirely unattainable, almost elusive. But alas, we know patience is a virtue.

How to be Patient

Here are some ways to show patience:

✔️ Take a deep breath

Deep breathing is a great way to pause throughout the day. Breath in calm, breath out stress.

✔️ Let it go

My toddler will dilly dally for days. Unfortunately, I’m a person that hates to be late. This combination is often cause for a headache. I have to ask myself if being five minutes late worth getting in a tizzy over. Probably not. The best thing to do is just let it go.

18. Reliable

Our kids depend on us. That’s just a fact. Being reliable is one of the greatest attributes of mamas because it lets kids know they are safe.

How to be Reliable

Here are some ways to show reliability:

✔️ Follow through

If you tell your kids, “We can play with sensory bins this afternoon.” Make sure to play with sensory bins that afternoon. Follow through on promises made.

✔️ Avoid empty threats

Empty threats are the demise of many things including accountability, reliability, and even trust. If you give some sort of ultimatum, make sure you follow through on the consequence.

19. Resilient

Motherhood will knock you down more times than you can count. Even the very best of us will have bad days – accompanied by completely losing our shit. Luckily, it makes us more resilient.

How to be Resilient

Here are some ways to show resiliency:

✔️ See learning opportunities

Even after a really tough day, there are always learning moments. It’s hard to see when you’re in the thick of it. But try journaling at the end of the evening. This will help you dissect and reflect on the day. Find 21 FREE journaling prompts here.

✔️ Have hope

When not everything is going the way you want or expect, hold on to hope. “Nothing lasts forever” and “this too shall pass” are excellent phrases to repeat during trying times. You got this, mama!

20. Resourceful

Being resourceful can be our greatest tool in motherhood.

How to be Resourceful

Here are some ways to show resourcefulness:

✔️ Don’t reinvent the wheel

When we run headfirst into a roadblock, avoid asking, “How can I solve this problem?” Instead ask, “Who has solved this problem?” I’m sure someone knows how to stop a toddler from pooping in the tubby every. damn. time. Yes, this is my current problem.

✔️ Read blog posts

Congrats, you’re already accomplishing this one! There is so much free information out there. All at our finger tips (thumb tips?). Use it!

21. Self-Accountable

The truth is, as mothers, we aren’t always right. We have to be okay with holding ourselves accountable and taking responsibility for our actions.

How to be Self-Accountable

Here are some ways to show self-accountability:

✔️ Set aside your pride

Sometimes we have the mentality that, because we are the adult, we must be right. Wrong. Let’s set aside our pride and be willing to apologize for our wrong-doings.

✔️ Stop the blame game

Often times, our gut reaction is to point a finger at someone else. Instead, stop blaming others for mishaps. Point that finger back at yourself and ask, “How could I have been better in that situation?”

22. Self-Aware

Self-awareness is simply understanding the impact of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Being self-aware makes us better parents, and it increases our children’s emotional intelligence.

How to be Self-Aware

Here are some ways to show self-awareness:

✔️ Pay attention to your body

Our bodies tell us things all the time. I’m thirsty. I’m hangry. I need a glass of wine. Okay, maybe not that last one, but you get it. Your body will also tell you, loud and clear, what you are feeling. Listen to her.

✔️ Notice what triggers you

Being “triggered” has become a bit of a buzzword. Nonetheless, we do need to notice what sets us off. Once we know that trigger, we can work to combat it.

23. Self-Compassionate

Showing ourselves compassion throughout the tribulations of motherhood is vital for survival. Okay, that’s a little dramatic, but also true.

How to be Self-Compassionate

Here are some ways to show self-compassion:

✔️ Challenge negative self-talk

When you hear that little voice in your head saying mean things, talk back. Tell her you are a good mom, you are allowed to make mistakes, and you are worthy of loving yourself.

✔️ No more mom guilt

Mom guilt. Ugh. We have to intentionally work on not feeling guilty for doing things we want to do! Allow yourself time and space to be away from your kiddos. And allow yourself to enjoy your life.

24. Trustworthy

Trusting their mama is the first step to trusting anyone else in this world. Woah, I know. It feels like a big job. And that’s because it is.

How to be Trustworthy

Here are some ways to show trustworthiness:

✔️ Let them know they are safe

Safety is one of the most primitive forms of trust. Even in hard, dark situations such as falling down and getting a boo-boo, ensure your child’s safety. When my daughter was learning to walk, she fell. A lot. Every time she fell, I asked the question, “Did it hurt or was it scary?” Then I would tell her, “Mama is here and you are safe.”

✔️ Model trust with your partner

Any time we can model positive characteristics, we should. Trust is no exception. Show kids how to be trustworthy and how to trust others with your partner’s help.

25. Vulnerable

Brené Brown defines vulnerability as, “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” Those three things sum up motherhood pretty damn well.

How to be Vulnerable

Here are some ways to show vulnerability:

✔️ Talk about your dreams, desires, and fears

Through our kids’ eyes, we are on a pedestal. And that can be a good thing. But we also need to *appropriately* let them in to the deeper part of our lives.

✔️ Let your kids see you cry

For all too long tears have been considered a sign of weakness, even shame. That stops now. Our kids need to see a gamut of emotions. Happy tears, sad tears, even mad tears are all good for our kiddos to see.

The Wrap Up: Qualities of a Good Mama

Here’s the reality: If you’re here, reading this, you’re probably already a really good mom. I know that because bad moms don’t care if they are a good mom or not and wouldn’t be reading a blog about how to be a good mom.

Take a deep breath and know, in your soul, that you are doing great, mama!

Read next: How to Be a Happy Mom: 7 New Ideas