Tired of Being a Mom? 12 Ways to Fight Burnout
Have you ever thought to yourself: “I’m tired of being a mom?”
If so, let me assure you that you’re not alone.
Being a mom can take over your whole identity. It’s all-consuming. You’re constantly putting another being’s needs before yours. You’re expected to always be “on.”
It’s understandable that you’re burned out.
Is It Normal to Feel Tired of Being a Mom?
Yes. It is, without a doubt, normal to hate being a mom from time-to-time.
Being a mom is the hardest job a woman can have. It may be 2023, but moms are still doing it all.
The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics created a chart of household activities. The table shows, women are doing daily household tasks far more frequently than men.
- 72% of women are doing food prep and cleanup compared to 51% of men
- The interior of the house is cleaned daily by 33% of women and only 14% of men
- Everyday 24% of women and only 7% of men are doing laundry
And those stats aren’t even considering the mental load of being a mom.
Somewhere between my birthing prep courses and my What to Expect app, there was some absent information.
Someone forgot to mention that on the same day I birth my baby, I will instantly become the CEO of my house.
Beyond chores and childcare, I’m now responsible for knowing exactly how full the ketchup bottle is, how many packs of wipes are left in the cabinet, what we have going in three weeks, and where in the world the missing sock is.
Moms who are the primary caretaker, calendar keeper, and homemaker are bound to feel tired of being a mom.
Symptoms of Mom Burnout
Mom burnout, sometimes called mom fatigue, is real and exhausting. Here are some symptoms you might be experiencing burnout:
- Irritability
- Overwhelm
- Sleep disturbances
- Lack of patience
- Procrastination
- Blaming
- Angry outbursts (followed by guilt)
- Body aches and muscle tension
12 Ways to Fight Burnout
As much as I wish I could wave a magic wand and *poof* your troubles would disappear, you’re not Cinderella and I’m not a fairy godmother.
Your best bet for fighting burnout is using healthy coping skills and making small lifestyle changes for big results.
1. Talk About It
If you’re reading this, you already know that burnout is upon you. It’s time to start talking about it.
Confide in your partner, your mom, your friends. Whoever supports you wholeheartedly and talk about how you’re feeling.
Bottling it up is just going to make it worse.
A huge reason why we get burned out is because we haven’t been acknowledging or communicating our needs to anyone else.
Asking for help isn’t something us moms are good at. But if you want to feel reenergized, then it’s time to start talking.
2. Integrate the Kids into Your Life
Being a mom often means sensory bins galore, imaginary play, or building LEGO structures. But a lot of us don’t find joy in pretending to be a unicorn gallivanting through a magical forest for the eightieth time in one day.
When we are doing activities that we don’t enjoy over and over (and over) again, it makes sense that we start to dislike our day-to-days.
A really helpful way to start enjoying your mundane days again is to integrate your kids into activities and hobbies you enjoy.
For example, one thing I absolutely love to do is hike. The fresh air. The exercise. The sense of accomplishment when summiting a peak. It’s all great.
Instead of playing with Play-Doh all day long, I figured out how to get my kids on the trail with me. It was a game-changer.
I finally stopped trying to be the mom I thought I was supposed to be and started being the mom I’m meant to be.
If hiking isn’t your thing, that’s totally fine. Maybe it’s yoga or golfing for you. Maybe you enjoy scrapbooking or cooking. Figure out what type of activities you like and how you can get your kids involved.
3. Know Your Play Type
This goes along with the above suggestion. You might be thinking, “I know I don’t like imaginary play. And I can’t integrate my kids into my love for vino. So now what?”
Allow me to oblige.
Somewhere along the path to adulthood, we forget that we need to play, too. We think of play as a child’s activity, but play is really good for adults.
So much so, psychologist and play expert, Brian Sutton-Smith, says, “The opposite of play is not work – The opposite of play is depression.”
A study out of Switzerland identified four play types for adults. They are other-directed, lighthearted, intellectual, and whimsical. Here is a brief description of each:
Other-Directed
- Enjoy playing with others
- Make social relations more interesting and are able to loosen up tense situations
- May tease with friends and family
Lighthearted
- Thinks about life as a game
- Not worried about future consequences of their behavior
- Like to improvise
- Sees life as a comedy, not a tragedy
Intellectual
- Like to play with thoughts and ideas
- Solve problems for fun
- Playful with words
Whimsical
- Find amusement in less traditional situations
- Have a reputation for liking odd things or activities
- Easy for them to entertain themselves and others in the mundane
Think about which play type best fits your idea of fun, and cater to it.
If you’re intellectual by nature, find ways to integrate word games into play with your kids. If you’re play type is other-directed try to find other moms and go for playdates. (Which leads me to my next suggestion.)
4. Make Playdates (with other moms)
It’s hard to make friends as an adult. That’s no secret. But to survive motherhood, you need camaraderie.
Making playdates with other moms is good for the soul. It’s also an excellent way to bond over the torturous times of motherhood.
The vulnerability and connection expert, BrenĂŠ Brown, says, “Connection is why we are here. We are hardwired to connect with others, itâs what gives meaning to our lives, and without it, there is suffering.â She knows what she’s talking about.
If you’re having trouble connecting with other moms there are a few things you can try:
- Connecting with local moms using Facebook groups
- Mommy-and-me classes by doing a quick Google search
- Getting out of the house and going to places where there will be other moms
5. Get Out of the House
Staring at the same four walls day in and day out can get excruciatingly boring. A good way to break up the day is by getting out of the house.
There are dozens of places that are great for kids. These are just a few options:
- Zoo
- Gym
- Library
- Park
- Aquarium
- Community Gardens
- Museums
- Nature Centers
- Beach
Many places will have membership options. They might provide classes or educational opportunities. And it’s a great way to meet other families.
6. Go Outside
I recently read the book, There’s No Such Things as Bad Weather by Linda Ă keson McGurk, and it was incredibly enlightening. Not only does the author write about how to get outside, she writes about why it is vital that we do.
Some benefits of being outdoors include lower anxiety, more resilience, higher life satisfaction ratings, improved happiness, and much more.
Research tells us how good it is to be outside, and yet we are spending more time indoors than ever.
According to the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), people are spending over 90% of their time indoors.
And what do you think we do while inside? We get caught up in the doom scroll đą
7. Take a Break from Social Media
Social media doom scrolling has become a major time-suck. Statista says we spend an average of 147 minutes on social media everyday.
That adds up to a whopping six years and nine months over the course of a lifetime. Yikes. While social media has some benefits, it’s hard to convince me that we need to be on those platforms for two and a half hours every day.
Too much time on social media makes us feel less than, anxious, overwhelmed, and downright bad about ourselves.
Plus, when we get caught up in the scroll, we start suffering from a super technical term: Comparisonitis. Which leads me to the next way to avoid mom burnout.
8. Beware, Don’t Compare
Logically we know that social media is a highlight reel of everyone’s lives, yet we still get sucked into the comparison game.
Unfortunately, social comparison is rampant. We compare ourselves to others moms doing it “better” than us. We are weighing out who is more successful, who has achieved more, who is in better economic standing, and other subjective ways of being.
Comparing yourself to other moms is a one-way ticket to Burnout City, and no one wants to live there.
When we start comparing ourselves to just the highlights of other mom’s lives, perfectionistic tendencies set in.
9. Stop Trying to Be Perfect
It’s common for moms to feel like we need to get everything right all the time – Like we need to be perfect – or else we will ruin our kids. But that’s simply not true.
Instead, striving for perfectionism is crippling. It puts too much pressure on a person, makes us fear being criticized, leads to procrastination, and sends us into an anxious frenzy.
And here’s the catch: Perfectionistic tendencies are, most commonly, self-imposed.
We put undue pressure on ourselves to look perfect, act perfect, and perform perfectly. And if we donât achieve that high bar, gold star, perfect status, well, this is the part where we start to burnout.
At the end of the day, trying to be perfect will steal your peace.
10. Plan a Childfree Night
Whether you plan a date night with your spouse, a ladies night with your girlfriends, or a solo movie night, you need time away from your kids.
It’s not rocket science. We needs breaks. Even if it’s from the tiny little people we grew in our bodied.
Take this as your permission slip to hire the babysitter and spend some time away from your kids and the house.
11. Avoid Nexting and Be Present
Another cause for burnout of the idea of Nexting. Nexting is when we keep looking ahead to future phases of life, falsely assuming it’ll be easier than the current stage.
Think of it as the modern day “the grass is always greener on the other side.”
Nexting is a trap.
It causes unnecessary anxiety. We have very little control of the future. We can’t speed up time.
Instead of nexting, we need to put our focus into being engaged in the present moment.
Let me ask you this: When is the last time you took time to be totally present?
There are a variety of ways to be mindful. All of which can take less than 10 minutes. You can try grounding activities, body scanning, or progressive muscle relaxation.
12. Seek Professional Help
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, “Poor mental health in parents is related to poor mental and physical health in children.”
If your symptoms are interfering with your day-to-day life, it might be time to seek professional help.
When you need to speak with a professional:
- You’re overwhelmed
- You’re unable to complete daily activities
- You’re lashing out in anger or rage
- You’re coping in unhealthy ways
- You’re withdrawing from important relationships
- You’re feeling apathetic
Seeking help from a professional is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength.
The bottom line: You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of the kids.
The Wrap Up: 12 Ways to Stop Being Tired of Motherhood
The reality is, you didn’t get tired of being a mom overnight. Burnout is a gradual process.
And, similarily, it’s going to take a little while for you to start feeling better. Using the above strategies can help you take back your life and enjoy motherhood again.
I’m rooting for you, mama.
Read next: How to Be a Happy Mom: 7 New Ideas
If youâre looking for more ways to not be a b*tch, look no further than my book: I Got 99 Coping Skills and Being a B*tch Ainât One. Itâs the best resource out there to start living a happy, healthier life today!