‘I’m a Lonely Stay-at-Home Mom’: 10 Ways to Cope
Being a stay-at-home mom is one of the hardest jobs out there. In part, because it’s really common for stay-at-home moms to feel lonely.
Luckily, there are many ways to cope with the loneliness and social isolation that is stay-at-home motherhood. Keep reading to learn more. 👇🏼
Is It Normal to Feel Lonely as a Stay-At-Home Mom?
Yes, it’s very normal to feel lonely as a stay-at-home mom.
Being a stay-at-home mom is incredibly demanding. We don’t get a break. We can’t say ‘no’ to our co-workers. And perhaps most grueling, we don’t get intellectually stimulating adult conversation.
I mean, we can only talk about Elsa and Olaf for so long.
If you’re new to the stay-at-home mom game, it’s surprising just how lonely you feel.
Despite those precious newborn snuggles, you’re listening to the heartbreaking cries of your baby. Or the deafening silence of no one to talk to. Not to mention the all-consuming b*tch we call mom guilt.
Being a Lonely Stay-at-Home Mom Effects Mental Health
In 1998, Britney Spears sang the words:
“My loneliness is killing me (and I),
I must confess, I still believe (still believe),
When I’m not with you I lose my mind,
Give me a sign,
Hit me, baby one more time…”
Admit it, you just sang that whole chorus in your head.
The truth is, Britney was on to something here. Loneliness has some serious health consequences.
According to Harvard Medical School:
“Researchers examined 23 studies that involved 181,000 adults. Among this group, 4,628 heart-related events – such as heart attacks, angina attacks, or even death – and approximately 3,000 strokes were recorded.
“The data showed that loneliness, social isolation, or both were associated with a 29% increased risk of heart attack and 32% greater risk of stroke. The risk was similar to that of light smoking or obesity, according to the researchers.”
I don’t know about you, Britney, but that hit me.
Difference Between Being Alone and Loneliness
It’s easy to confuse being alone with loneliness, but they are two very different things.
It’s entirely possible to be alone and still feel loved, supported, and cared for.
However, loneliness is the feeling of being alone. It’s lacking connection and purpose.
So, how do we avoid feeling lonely as a stay-at-home mom?
10 Ways to Cope with Being a Lonely Stay-at-Home Mom
The good news is, there are plenty of ways to cope with the loneliness of being a stay-at-home mom.
1. Admit you’re feeling lonely
It’s really hard to admit that you’re feeling lonely. But, as a stay-at-home mom, you’ve probably been feeling this way for awhile now.
The first step in dealing with difficult emotions, is acknowledging their existence. Not only to yourself, but to those who care about you, too.
Tell your spouse, a friend, or your mom that you’re feeling socially isolated. Once you can be vulnerable and admit that, you’ll already start to feel a little bit better.
2. Stop relying on social media for connection
Unfortunately, we’ve allowed social media to consume us. We scroll Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok to fill the void of lost connections.
We say we like social media because it’s a great way to stay connected. And in some ways it is. But research has proven that social media use is correlated with an increase in loneliness.
Digital connection is not, and never will be, the same as in-person, face-to-face interactions. We have to stop relying on social media for social connection.
3. Schedule a date, time, and place
Have you ever found yourself saying, “We should hang out soon!” with no follow through? Try this, instead:
Text a girlfriend and say, “Hey! I miss you! What are you doing Saturday around noon? Lunch?”
Be specific about when and where to get together. Scheduling a date, time, and place works a lot better than the initial, open-ended suggestion. It gets concrete plans on the calendar and means the date is far more likely to actually happen.
4. Be present where your feet are
Stay-at-home moms are notorious for future thinking. There is actually a name for this. It’s called nexting.
Nexting is when we keep looking ahead to future phases of life, falsely assuming it’ll be easier than the current stage.
When we get caught up in nexting, it’s impossible to be present in the moment. Rather than wishing for something else, be present where your feet are. It’ll help you focus on yourself and your kids and help you be far less lonely.
5. Get out of the house
Let’s face it, you can feel drained just by the thought of getting out of the house.
Loading up the baby bag. Strapping a squirmy toddler in a carseat. Getting half way down the road just to realize you forgot the snacks. It’s not easy.
In fact, it’s way easier to stay in the house. If we stay in, we don’t have to shower, or pack up the car, or dread how our child might act while in public.
But staying staying home can be a recipe for loneliness. It’s confining and makes us feel trapped.
Do your best to get out of the house regularly. Socially interact with the world around you. You’ll be better for it.
6. Go to a Mommy & Me class
Going to a Mommy & Me class is my favorite way to cope with loneliness because it’s all about connecting with other moms. There is so much value in mom friendships.
Moms can relate to the exhaustion that is newborns or the circus that is toddlers. They know how physically and emotionally depleted we are.
Moms understand the hardships of the invisible mental load. And they know how much we love our babies.
Going to a Mommy & Me class is sure to recharge your batteries and leave you feeling heard and happy.
7. Start a community
If you aren’t able to find a Mommy & Me class that fills your needs, start your own community.
A mom local to me wanted to get her child outside, even in the depths of Minnesota’s winters. She wasn’t able to find a class or community that takes kids out below freezing temps.
So, she made her own. She started a Facebook group and connected with other moms that found value in getting outside regularly.
They have weekly meet-ups, and it’s been a great way to meet like-minded mamas.
You can do this, too. Maybe it’s a weekly Mommy & Me painting group, or a general arts and crafts get together. You could explore differently parks each week.
Think about your hobbies or passions. Decide how you can incorporate your kiddos (or at the very least keep them entertained), and make it happen!
8. Be open to discussing life’s ups and downs
If all your conversations are surface level, you may need to dig a little deeper.
Real connection and relationships are built through openness, trust, and vulnerability. You have to be willing to talk openly and honestly about the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I’m not saying you need to get deep with the Target clerk. But try having a bold conversation with your partner or new mom friend. It’ll make you feel so much more connected to those around you.
9. Practice self-care
Self-care has become a bit of a buzzword lately, but as a licensed therapist, I love it.
I know I mentioned earlier that we barely get two minutes to ourselves, much less practice self-care. But here’s the deal:
Self-care doesn’t have to be a long day at the spa. We have this idea that self-care needs to be luxurious or indulgent, but really, it’s simply caring for yourself.
Your self-care for the day could be as simple as sixty seconds of intentional deep belly breaths. Or finding four minutes to purposefully stretch your muscles. Do something easy, yet effective.
10. Make yourself a priority, too
As a stay-at-home mom we get full consumed by our responsibility of being a good mom. Unfortunately, that means we usually get put at the bottom of our priorities list.
I want you to do this instead:
Don’t think of your priorities as a list. Rather, think of your priorities as coffee mugs on a table. All of the mugs are the same size. And each a label on them with your goals and priorities.
One might say your partner’s name or simply say something like ‘healthy marriage.’ Another might have your baby’s name on it. But you get a mug, too.
Your job is to keep all the mugs relatively full. Pour into your marriage. Pour into your kids. And pour into yourself. Your name deserves to right next to everyone else’s.
The Wrap Up: Being a Stay-at-Home Mom is Lonely
Hanging around at home in sweats, not planning anything, and scrolling social media is easier than making and maintaining mom friends. And, yes, social isolation can have serious health consequences
But we can do something about our lonely circumstances. We can have deep, meaningful conversations to feel more connected to loved ones. And you can make yourself a priority.
It’s challenging, but so worth the effort.
Do what it takes to stop feeling like a lonely stay-at-home mom. This is your sign; I’m hitting you with it right now.
Read next: 10 Simple Habits to Improve Mental Health + How to Start
If you’re a stay-at-home mom and feeling lonely, read I Got 99 Coping Skills and Being a B*tch Ain’t One. This book will give you all the coping skills you need to be happy and whole.